Families and arthritis.

Last updated Monday, January 03, 2005

Arthritis basics

About arthritis

Common symptoms

Arthritic conditions usually cause stiffness, pain, and fatigue. The severity differs from person to person. In some people, only a few joints are affected and the impact may be very slight. In others, the entire body system may be affected, with pain and possible deformity.

Arthritis is usually chronic. This means it could last on and off for as long as a lifetime.

People with certain forms of arthritis, such as rheumatoid arthritis, may have remissions. These are periods when the disease is not active and the person may feel well and have few problems. These times can last weeks, months or years. There are also periods called flares when the disease is very active and people have many symptoms. During those times, physical activities have to be limited and extra rest is needed.

Generally symptoms of arthritis vary from day to day and even from morning to evening. Pain and stiffness is usually worse in the morning. The more the illness affects normal, everyday activities, such as working or managing the home, the bigger the adjustment. A person with arthritis may have to work extra hard at tasks that used to be easy. That can be very upsetting to everyone.

Moving toward acceptance

What affects your loved one with arthritis also affects you. Depending on the severity of the disease, people with arthritis and their family members often go through stages as they move toward acceptance of the disease.

If the person diagnosed isn't an older adult, you may wonder how he or she could have what you thought was an old person's disease. You may ask "why us?" You may be angry and begin to resent other families who don't have this problem.

Your family might have to adjust or reduce activities that were sources of pride and enjoyment. It isn't easy to remain supportive or take on extra duties when you are tired. After all, you have your own problems and worries! You may feel overwhelmed as you wonder how you will cope. You may be irritable and moody.

Many families experience sadness and embarrassment at the loss of the formerly healthy and more capable person. This may be especially true if there is a change in appearance. Some family members feel that the arthritis has made the family no longer socially acceptable.

You may deny the arthritis exists by believing it will go away or that no changes need to be made. You might find yourself saying, "Everything is fine" or "It doesn't bother me."

You may feel frustrated if you can't make your loved one feel better. You may question your right to enjoy yourself if your loved one cannot. You may keep feelings bottled up inside, rather than share them, because you don't want to add to other people's burdens by complaining. If your anger and your feelings are not expressed, you may become depressed.

What you need to do is to express your feelings, rather than hide them. Sometimes having a good cry, pounding pillows, or doing some physical work such as gardening or cleaning can help you let off steam. Grief, anger, sadness, embarrassment, denial frustration, feeling overwhelmed, depression--all of these are normal reactions to the impact of arthritis. You may not have all of them, but if you do, it is necessary to experience them. Then you can move on so that life can be lived as normally as possible.

Learning about arthritis

Before you make any changes in the household routine, you'll need to find out all you can about the annoying disease that has become a part of your life. Typically, after a proper diagnosis, the physician will work out a treatment program based on your relative's lifestyle, hobbies, and preferences. Most treatment programs involve taking medication properly, protecting one's joints, saving one's energy, managing stress, and following an exercise program.

If you can, go with your family member to medical checkups, especially if there are problems or questions. Some people find it helpful to write down questions ahead of time. Express your worries or concerns, and find out if there are any changes to expect.

If, for example, you have been told that your husband will no longer be able to cut the grass or play tennis, find out the reason why. Then find out what can be done to improve his ability to function.

Remissions and flares

It's important that you know that during a remission, people with arthritis and their families may feel like their old selves. They may be able to get back to the familiar, "normal" routine. Often they forget that arthritis exists. During this period, the person with arthritis may overdo and try to make up for lost time. You can help by making certain that the treatment program is followed, even if there are no symptoms. Even during remissions, visits to the doctor should be continued, as the doctor suggests. Your loved one should take prescribed medicine, and still get proper amounts of rest and exercise.

A flare can occur at any time for no apparent reason. Some people's flares tend to follow stressful times such as holidays or important life events. A severe, unexpected flare can be trying on everyone. The family may again experience feelings of anger and depression, worse than before. It's important during these times to keep talking and pulling together as a family.

Be skeptical of advice

Neighbors and other persons will ask questions about arthritis. Be prepared to give them concrete, factual information. They may offer advice, because there is a great deal of folklore about arthritis. No matter how sincere a person may be, think carefully before accepting any advice.

For example, ignore a personal account of how a cherry juice diet cured someone's arthritis. Most forms of arthritis have no cure. However, a person can improve for a short time after trying almost anything new. That is why your spouse or relative needs to stay with the prescribed treatment plan. If followed, it will help to lessen inflammation, ease pain, and maintain range of motion. It will also slow down or prevent joint damage.

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